If you ask my 87-year-old grandma Marion how old she feels (before she lost part of her eye sight) she would probably say 60. If you ask my 60-year-old mom how old she feels, she would probably say 40. So when I was sitting in a meeting with my husband and a team of Merrill Lynch advisors talking about our retirement savings, our IRAs, a plan for our non-existent children’s college funds, I had a moment of panic. I thought to myself…”I can’t believe that we have to think about all of this, I feel like I am 18!”
I realize that I am not 18 and in fact there are many things about being 30 that far out weigh my 18-year-old self, but it just got me thinking about how fast life is going by.
So in keeping with the reason why I started this blog in the first place, I thought I would freeze time and just write down from a list I found online a few things about 30-year-old me. I found a website that had 75 really insightful questions to “ask yourself,” but since I am trying to document myself at 30, I think 30 questions will do. I think it will be interesting to see how these questions change over the years but for now, here it is, full disclosure; don’t judge.
1.Why not me?
It’s so incredibly easy to get caught up in this question, especially at my age. With weddings and babies specifically, I’d be lying if I hadn’t had those thoughts. I try to live everyday knowing that I am blessed in so many ways, and to try to not compare myself to others.
2. Am I nice?
Yes. Simply put, I am. Trust me, I have my moments but even if I find myself in the wrong, I will be the first one to admit it and make it right.
3. Am I doing what I really want to do?
In my career, no. I found something that I am successful at but certainly not my passion in life. Personally, yes. I love being a wife, sister, daughter & friend. Most days I do something that I really want to do.
4. What am I grateful for?
I am so incredibly grateful for my health and my family. As my mom always taught me when you have your healthy and your family, everything else can get worked out.
5. What’s missing in my life?
Spontaneity. I am a planner. I have a plan for just about everything I do which gives me comfort but getting out of that comfort zone occasionally I know would be good for me and very fulfilling. The other thing that is missing from my life; religion. I don’t even really know what the means for me at this point in my life, but I know its a void.
6. Am I honest?
To a fault.
7. Do I listen to others?
I do. I talk a lot though too which would contradict that statement. I am really good at giving others advice though, which means, I would have to listen…right?
8. Do I work hard?
Yes! Work ethic is such a strong, admirable character trait in my opinion. I come from the school of thought that if you want it, work hard to get it. However, I’ve been known to have days where I don’t get out of my pj’s until dinner time. Probably not working too hard on those days.
9. Do I help others?
10. What do I need to change about myself?
I need to find comfort in the unknown. I need to understand that some things, whether I like it or not are out of my control. That is very difficult for me. I would also change the fact that I come of “tough” but really I am a softy. I need to be alright with showing my vulnerabilities.
11. Have I hurt others?
Yes. If I have though, I think I have always tried to make it right. I yelled at a girl in high school once and I have never stopped thinking about it. She was being mean to one of my friends sisters and for some reason I thought it was my place to get involved. I made her cry. My heart actually aches thinking about it.
12. Do I complain?
Sometimes. Ted would say, definitely. My complaints usually stem from something trivial like the house being clean. Liberal politics makes me complain too.
13. What’s next for me?
Let me check my list first – ha – joking – kind of! Today, a workout. A year from now, a family. 10 years from now, I can only hope for healthy & happiness.
14. Do I have fun?
Yes! They aren’t crows feet around my eyes, they are laugh lines. There is always room for more of this though.
15. Have I seized opportunities?
No. I am scared of the unknown. I’m hoping this year will allow me to change this answer.
16. Do I care about others?
Of course. As long as they care back. I give a lot to the people that I care about in my life so if that same thoughtfulness and respect isn’t reciprocated, I have very little room for that.
17. Do I spend enough time with my family?
Hilarious! I wish Ted was reading this with me. My family is my heart, my strength, my everything.
18. Am I open-minded?
On some topics. I really, really, really try to be. It’s not always easy for me but I try. Seriously depends on the topic.
19. Have I seen enough of the world?
Not even close! Traveled a lot of the United States and a bit of Mexico, Italy and France. So many more adventures in my life to come.
20. Do I judge others?
Yes, sometimes. With judgements though, I have found comes conversation. With conversation comes understanding.
21. Do I take risks?
No. They scare me.
22. What is my purpose?
This is ever-changing, but today; to be a good wife, daughter, sister, employee, friend. To provide happiness & support in the lives of the people I love.
23. What is my biggest fear?
Death. Not having enough time with the people I need in my life.
24. How can I conquer that fear?
I’m not sure I can. I like to think that enjoying each moment with these people is enough, but I am sure it’s not.
25. Do I thank people enough?
I hope so!
26. Am I successful?
So far, I think so. Financially? Personally? Professionally? Yes, Yes, Yes.
27. What am I ashamed of?
I really don’t like the word “ashamed.” Clearly I would add the yelling at the girl in the hallway in high school moment to that column, but past that…ashamed…I just don’t like that word.
28. Do I annoy others?
Probably! They haven’t told me yet though.
29. What makes me sad?
Watching people get old, a thoughtless person, death.
30. Do I stand up for myself?
You know it! Don’t you worry about me. Having confidence has always made this easy for me.
30 year old me.