My baby app told me this morning that I had 19 days until my due date. I am 37 weeks pregnant which means if baby girl was born today, she would be considered full term. Nuts! Maybe it’s the full moon or maybe just coincidence, but with the baby app alert, the fact that her due date is the 19th and an interesting fact that my favorite number has been 19 since I can remember (and I never knew why), I felt like a blog post was necessary. I remember vividly looking at the app months ago and wondering how I would feel when it got down to these double digits that I am seeing today. I am officially reporting that 19 days before my due date, I couldn’t be more prepared for this little girl’s arrival!
Notice I used the term “prepared” vs a word like “ready.” When it comes to pregnancy in my opinion, the two are very different terms.
I am most certainly prepared. The baby classes are complete, her room is ready, my hospital bags are packed, the camera is charged, the car seat base is in, the swing is assembled, the nanny is selected, the bottles are washed. I am prepared, without a doubt. Ready, I’m not so sure. I am certainly ready to not be pregnant anymore. I am ready to be able to shave my legs easily again, so ready to not feel uncomfortable most of the day and selfishly very ready to start wearing adorable fall clothes! Ready for labor, delivery & what’s to come after her arrival is a completely different “ready.”
One of the things that I have struggled with in my life is how much I dislike uncertainty and the feeling of not being in control. I’ve blogged about it before so my loyal Lo Down readers will know this about me. So when I am just weeks away from embarking on a journey that I will have zero control over and a lot of uncertainly as a new parent, I find myself all too often filled with anxiety about this experience. My panic moments come in the form of questions that are constantly running through my head. Some thoughts are simple like “how painful will my contractions be?” but mostly the questions racing through my mind are more intense like “am I capable of teaching this little girl to be a kind, smart & giving human being or how in the world will I be able to juggle being a successful mother, wife, employee & friend?” The thoughts and subsequent anxiety can be very overwhelming. I am telling myself all the right things. I know to stay calm, I know that I am strong and I know I have amazing support around me to be able to tackle all of the unknown but the anxiety is real and its scary. So am I ready? Questionable.
Not to say that everything in these last few weeks is filled with anxiety, its not! I just had two of the most beautifully amazing baby showers. Words don’t describe how wonderful they were. To see all of my best friends & family in one place to celebrate this little angel that continues to beat up my ribs from the inside was such a wonderful feeling. Again, the support and excitement I have for her arrival is incredible. I cherish the fact that our schedule is pretty empty (by design) and Ted and I have been able to spend so much time together, just being together and doing things that make us happy. There is so much to be thankful for.
I’m hoping to get another post in before “d-day,” but if for some reason I don’t, I most certainly will introduce baby girl to my Lo Down readers when I can find time between feedings, diaper changes and attempting to get some rest.